The day was shaping up to be super shitty, so I decided a trip to the bakery was in order. Baked goods = momentary relief from the abject sadness about my life choices that have put me in this position wherein a day can go this badly.
I’m sure Jessica Biel never has a day like this one. I mean, she hits the gym a lot. You can tell. And that means she probably manages her stress well because exercise regulates that type of thing.
Plus, she has money, but not like Warren Buffet money where your money is your job. Just enough money that if she wants to go to New Zealand and see Hobbiton, well by god, she’s going to have a car full of Hobbits showing her around Bag End this weekend.
That sounds kind of weird.
Anyway, so baked goods.
The bakery sells cupcakes and fudge and what have you, but their crowning achievement is the macaron. The French macaron. I don’t ever see anyone ever buying them besides me. And I only buy them like 3 times a year. Maybe I should start buying them more. Maybe I am the only reason they still make them, and I’m not supporting them financially– or emotionally– in their decision to continue with the macaron production.
They probably call me “The Macaron Girl” because that’s all I ever buy, and I mysteriously float in at random intervals, purchase some fluffy macs, and then float back out. I’m usually wearing a scarf or tights. There is always a chill in the air. I definitely need to remember to pull out my red knitted cap soon, the one that looks almost like a beret. They probably think I’m FROM France. If they had to guess. And that I don’t want to speak to them in French because that would be patronizing, as they certainly don’t speak the language of love. They didn’t train in a chateaux in France (even though I’m sure they think I grew up in one).
So now I feel a little bit better than Jessica Biel because I bet she doesn’t eat macarons. No one calls her “The Macaron Girl” in awed whispers. She’s not from France (or even pretend France), and her body is too nice to eat sweets like that.
So I win this round, Jessica Biel.